Prepping to farm (at the gym)

So upon learning that I had been accepted at Calypso Farm and Ecology (calypsofarm.org) for a farm and education apprenticeship, I was delirious!  A grand adventure, I was having one!  I was off to the frozen northlands to teach kids about broccoli or something!  I was going to be farmer!  I would have to haul, shove, pull, dig, till, sow, and many other verbs as well, I thought.  I was SUPER pumped, but quickly decided I needed some things.

A list of the things I decided I needed in no particular order.

1.  A haircut
2. Big Burly Arms
3. A Bird Book
4. Probably some other stuff too like my toothbrush

The haircut was easy, I had someone chop my brown-blonde mop off, and suddenly I looked SHARP!  It felt a little weird, actually, the tri-toned catastrophe that had been my hair had a major advantage: it projected goofball about six feet out in front of me.  Now I looked, if not respectable (the piercings allow me to retain my hoodlum status), at least like I knew how to take care of myself maybe.  I decided the look was good, went and bought some clippers, and will be giving myself the same haircut every other week all summer weather I need it or not.

I got a bird book too, I have nothing clever to say about it.

I was able to acquire most of these things without difficulty, but the question of Big Burly Arms remained.  How, thought I, does one get those, and, once gotten, how does one find a surgeon low enough to splice them onto my torso just below and set back from my other arms so that they wouldn't get in the way?  But seriously, I figured that, in order to be a farmer I would want to get my body at least ready to be active.  I had been maintaining a rigorous exercise program for my thumbs (Thank you Skyrim, Batman, and Halo: Reach), but had been pretty sedentary otherwise.  So off I went to the Gym, to try to prepare myself for working on the farm.  I began what I can only describe as the ADD workout program.  First, I would run on a treadmill some.  Next I would wander (those of you who have seen me try to clean a messy space without direction can vouch for me, I'm a CHAMPION wanderer) over to the area with weights and machines and just use some of them for a while until I didn't want to anymore or some big guy stood around looking expectant or glaring.  After a few weeks of this I did a little (very little) critical thinking (SHOCKING) and decided I should focus my workout on the sorts of things I'd actually be doing while working on the farm.  So I said to myself, "Self, what kinds of work do farmers do?" The answer was obvious: farmers cary heavy stuff around.

I edited my workout to include walking around the gym carrying two 45lb weights.  I would switch which types of weights I carried (barbells or those weights you put on a bench press bar), and walked at different speeds.  I practiced walking then stopping suddenly, picking them up and putting them back down without using my back etc. This was fun, especially since the first couple times I did it it was pretty late at night (24 hour gym, wahooo!) and there was no one else around.  I had all sorts of space to walk around in!  As I continued this routine, however, I found myself garnering many stares.  This culminated in the following conversation between one of the gym's personal trainers and myself

 "hey uhhh, what the heck are you doing?"
 "I'm walking around with the heaviest things I can carry."
  "Yeah yeah yeah, but why are you doing that?"
  "I'm practicing for being a farmer"
  *long pause*
  "can I see your gym pass?"

Well jokes on them, cause I'm at the farm and I've already carried something!
BAM